Monday, April 20, 2009

Lord Vader's Road Trip - Part 2: L.A. Refueling Incident


Vader's black Harley pulled off a Los Angeles Freeway and into a Chevron station. He pulled around a beat up convertible holding blond-haired teenager and pulled up to an empty pump, motioned for the engine to stop and the kickstand to come down. The blond kid was set to pull out but was staring in awe at the scene in front of him.

Dismounting, Vader approached the pump and commanded it, "Droid, refuel my transport immediately." The pump did not respond.

"Dude, you so rock!" the blond kid said, getting out of his car and running up to Vader. "That is so retro sci-fi man you got the part down. Are you on your way to an audition or something because you are so the part, man. Hey, my sister's been trying to break into the biz, man, maybe you can help her. She's really good..."

Vader turned to him, "Can you communicate with this droid in your language? I need fuel immediately, earthling."

"Hey man, no problem. Great voice man. That breathing thing. You are so the bomb. I understand man. Like my sister says, 'You gotta stay in character.'" The kid removed the Harley gas cap and placed the pump nozzle inside. "Um, Dude, you got any coin? Can't start the pump."

Vader waved his hand at the pump. Instantly the dials started spinning wildly and the gas started flowing through the nozzle.

"Whoa, that is so cool. Dude. Can you show me that trick?"

Just then a Mexican vendor walked up to Darth. He held upright a four foot pole with crossbars attached the length of it. From the crossbars numerous toys were hanging from evenly spaced hooks. Crowning the pole was a large Sombrero. Along the rim of the sombrero were festive red dingle balls tossing about in the breeze.

"Senor? Geeft for cheeldren? Yes?" The vendor smiled a broad grin, showing his missing and rotted teeth.

Vader said, "I will take the cultural item on the top, in order to more effectively disguise myself against the Jedi." He waved his leather-gloved hand across the vendor's face. "It is a privilege my lord, to give you this freely"

The Vendor reached up and handed Vader the Sombrero. "Is preevaleej to geev my lord freely."

The kid had finished refueling and replaced the cap and the nozzle. The dials on the pump were still spinning wildly. Vader carefully placed the sombrero and top of his head and cinched the cord to hold it firmly in place.

"Dude, you are sure out to attract attention, man. I sure hope you aren't going somewhere where they can't take a joke."

Vader mounted his Harley and pulled his gloves on more tightly, "I have urgent matters of the empire to attend to."

With that he roared out from between the vendor and the kid, exited the gas station and banked onto the freeway on-ramp heading east, dingle balls flying wildly in the breeze.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Lord Vader's Road Trip - Part 1: the Decision


In the darkness of his garage Darth placed the holograph projector on top of his Harley and pushed a button. Up popped a light blue-tinged grainy image of his Finance Minister.

"Lord Vader, I must bear ill tidings. The Empire's bond auction failed. I'm afraid the market thinks ill of all the debt financing required to build the Death Star. Credit Default Swap spreads have spiked on our Treasuries and StarCraft Acceptance Corporation has repossessed your Lordship's Starcruisers for lack of payment. We will be unable to retrieve you from Earth for sometime. I'm afraid you will need to remain undercover for a while longer in your search for the earthling Jedi . "

"However, our Cultural Minister says your black leather fits with your current mode of transportation and you should be able to move among the locals inconspicuously for the time being. Our sensors indicate the Jedi you seek is in a land called Texas and you are currently in a land called Los Angeles. They are linked by land and you should be able to traverse it with your current mode of transportation. We shall contact you again when we have refinanced our debt and procured a new StarCruiser for you."

The projection ended and Vader was left in the dark with only the sound of his own labored breathing. "Next time I see the Finance Minister, he shall have severe trouble breathing."

With a motion of his hand the projector device flew into a satchel on the side of his bike. He waved his other hand and the garage door opened. He opened the flap on the satchel on the other side and peered in. Light saber...Check. Water Bottles...check. Energy bars...check. He swung on to his Harley and the engine growled to life.

Darth revved the engine, "What good is having an empire if it's bankrupt? I will find this Jedi myself in this land called Texas. Time for a road trip."

With that, he roared out of the garage and lumbered down the street: black on black on black, Vader, Harley, Asphalt.

He twitched his left index finger and the garage door closed behind him.

To be continued...